Can we ever let you go?

That smiling face, that happy soul he possesses, the calm, the love that radiates from his face is probably the result of a lifetime of passionate singing and 'give all you've got' attitude which SPB had all through his lifetime. At this moment, as he battles the most feared disease on Earth, my soul is torn between letting him go and wanting a lifetime more of him. "Who are you to let him go?", "Were you close to him?", "Did he even know you?" would be the first few questions anyone would ask. Answers are, No, i wasn't close to him, and he didn't know I existed. Yet, I knew him. I grew up with a lot of love-hate relationship with this man all through my childhood. 

As a child, I got to know SPB through All India Radio, Ungal Virupam (listener's choice). In the 80's not every house owned a tape recorder. So, when the radio played, that was the source of entertainment. No one used to sit and listen to the radio. One used to wake up, turn on the radio, cook for the family, take bath, eat breakfast, pack lunch and rush to school, and while doing all this, the radio will churn out a couple of ads from "ponvandu ponvandu soap parunga" to "washing powder nirma" and between these songs, it would be songs sang by SPB, KJY, and Malaysia Vasudevan as they were the contemporary singers. KJY's songs soothe the soul with his base voice, Malaysia Vasudevan wakes you up with his above average pitch voice, and SPB could be the combination of all the singers put together. He could do anything, just anything with his voice. During those times, I never used to like him as he did not follow a fixed pattern, as though he did not have an identity of his own. Nevertheless, his songs dominated Ungal Virupam and I grew up eating breakfast and packing lunch while listening to his songs from Grade 3 through Grade 12 to college. By this time, tape recorders and speakers became a fashion a young man used to play songs loud enough for 10 houses in the neighborhood not allowing anyone to study. Though initially it was a nuisance, later that became my source of listening to popular music in high quality. Again, most songs were sung by SPB. I hated it if he sang peppy numbers where he used to sing some English lines as it he clearly didn't have a neutral accent. There were times I have told family members and friends, why is this man doing this? Why should he sing English lines in an Indian accent? Why include English in a Tamil song and spoil both? Twenty years later, after experiencing a whole lot of emotions associated with adult life, I understand SPB much better. His ability to deliver emotions beyond the lyrics and music of the song, his ability to move you to tears with one song, and make you dance when he sings the next one makes you wonder the reach his voice had in swaying emotions of a person he had never known in his life. Some of the songs he has sang have defied his own boundaries making the listener surprised if he(SPB) had really sung that song. 

With the number of stage shows and reality shows increasing, he started appearing more often on TV. The voice which accompanied my lifetime got a face, and the face was a kind one. That face had a certain calm and love radiating out of it. The way he interacted with people around him showed us that a man, despite being in the pinnacle of glory, could be this humble. His calm and radiating face, is the result of passionate work and the 'give all you've got' attitude, and I am sure he has attained the purpose of his birth.

Not a day would have passed in my life without hearing his voice. Tamilnadu plays his songs all the time, on the radio, in tea shops, in buses, and so do we in our personal music devices. So, yes...I am not exaggerating. Not a day would have passed without us(not just me) hearing his voice. It has traveled with me all through my lifetime. And I don't want to miss it for anything. I would ask God to give SPB a hundred more years, so that we can listen to him for one more lifetime. At the same time, it shreds my soul when I hear that he is suffering. Would I want him to struggle so that I want to listen to him for many more years to come, or would I say, enough of the struggle dear Sir.... I will let you go! I am still not able to decide. May the Almighty have mercy.